Dept. of Resurfacing

[kaffy_r]

Still Aten't Dead

But I'm not in the best of emotional conditions. I'm stressed and depressed, and all too aware that there are others among my friends who are heartbroken and beset with sorrow that dwarfs my problems. I keep telling myself what I've told others; you can't compare yourself with others, because there will always be people better and worse off than you, and no one can be inside your head except you, and what you're dealing with is valid - and it's not helping. 

Bob had to spend two days in hospital last week because he had an event where he was extremely short of breath. Not short of oxygen, mind you; his oxygen count was never lower than 95, and yet he couldn't catch his breath. Another 7-8 hours in the ER, another two nights in the place he hates and fears more than any other place. 

And the results? After xrays, electrocardiograms, cat scans, yada-yada?

Say it with me, folks: the doctors shrugged their shoulders, and said "hellifweknow." It doesn't matter whether it's mental confusion, shortness of breath, what have you. They can't find anything. They can't find a single damn thing. Yay, medical science. 

Oh, and he's now running a temperature, and he is once again extremely short of breath, with loads of oxygen in his system. So once again, we'll go to the urgent care place to see what they say. I have no doubt that they'll say get thee to the ER. 

I'd scream, but I don't have the energy to do it. 

Christmas? We've asked people not to give us anything, because we can't afford to give folks things as we try to save up for the move. And we both hate that we have to move. So there's that. 

I'm going to try to dig myself out of this hole, because it helps no one. 

I *did* get the kitchen cleaned. And I got a load of laundry done. That's two wins today. And I'm going to go to bed, which I think I really need to do.. 

Comments

[mxcatmoon]

Hugs. I can relate to the depression and stress.

As you wisely said, some have it worse and some have it better. You still have a right to your feelings. I've always hated it when people tell me that "lots of people have it much worse" to supposedly cheer me up -- like thinking about the suffering of fellow humans was supposed to make me feel better?

I've been there re: doctors being useless and not finding anything. I hope Bob is able to get a diagnosis. Could it be some kind of infection? I know conventional wisdom says antibiotics are overused and that's bad, but sometimes one just has to be proactive.

I hope you're doing better soon.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks - I suspect that Bob may have a low-level infection, possibly a UTI, so I'm going to make sure that gets mentioned during his visit (he has a bad habit of telling medical folks that he's just fine when he obviously isn't.) And there are definitely valid reasons to take antibiotics.

like thinking about the suffering of fellow humans was supposed to make me feel better?

Yeah. This actually wrung a snort of dark amusement out of me, for which I'm grateful.

And thanks again. Hugs are very much appreciated.

[mxcatmoon]

Yes, UTIs can sometimes cause some symptoms we wouldn't associate with one. Hopefully, that's it, and he'll be right as rain in no time!

You're welcome.

[kaffy_r]

Well, we have a 5 p.m. appointment with Urgent Care (I love the fact that one has to make an appointment for "urgent care." I also love the fact that they called and told him that they could only see him for one thing; either the possible UTI or the shortness of breath. And that he could only be seen once a day, since he asked if he could make a second appointment later today for the shortness of breath. Gah. I loathe the American health care system. I wouldn't gun down an insurance executive - but I can sure see why the guy did it.)

Still, he can be seen for the potential UTI today since, as he told the nice young woman on the phone, that's the one that's driving him crazy. He and I now think that the shortness of breath is simply from a bad chest cold. That he probably got during his last stay at the hospital. Sigh.

[mxcatmoon]

I hope the appointment went well.

[kaffy_r]

The appointment resulted in a pinpointed answer of "looks like you have a big and bad headcold." That's what we're going with at the moment. Heh.

[mxcatmoon]

I let out a yell of frustration on your behalf. Well, maybe they're right for a change. Could happen.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks for the yell. As it happens, Bob's shortness of breath got worse, so we made another call. The nurse who called us back asked the usual questions. Then she started to say, "go to the ER" and both of us yelled out "NO!" Bob said the last time he'd been there for 8 hours before being seen, and went on to say he wanted to speak with an internist. Now. The nurse said she'd send an urgent message to Bob's GP (presumably something she could have done at any time, but has been told by TPTB to do only under pressure). The GP called half an hour later, and promptly prescribed an inhaler and an antibiotic. Achievement unlocked!

[mxcatmoon]

Geez!!! All that, to finally get the freakin' antibiotic. That's the medical profession for ya. Hopefully the medications have him feeling better soon! Glad it's finally sorted.

[kaffy_r]

I came down with an awful head and chest cold (now just a chest cold) shortly after I responded to your last comment, but I'm happy to report that Bob is slowly - oh, so slowly - getting better. He's also got an appointment to see his lung doctor, although it's not until April. Her office is working to get a new Rx for his nebulizer, which he is now willing to use in an effort to prevent another iteration of this shit.

[mxcatmoon]

Glad to hear that Bob is getting better, but sorry you were sick as welL!

Hope you are having an enjoyable holiday season, despite everything.

[kaffy_r]

We've had a non-holiday-holiday season, and that has been necessary, but not necessarily completely enjoyable. However, we've been lucky to have good friends with whom we can spend time. That makes it more enjoyable than it might otherwise have been.

[owlboy]

i wondered where you've been. i'm sorry things are so stressful <3

[kaffy_r]

Thanks. I thought about posting every day, and simply couldn't. I feel a tiny bit better today.

[smallhobbit]

Sending all best wishes, and yes I understand the pain of coping with your own life.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks - one of the things I'm amazed by and feel supported by are the folks on my f'list, you included. Again, my thanks!

[cmcmck]

Glad you aten't dead and hugs all round.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks - I appreciate your hugs!

[lokifan]

Oh man, I'm sorry. I hope Bob can get a diagnosis soon.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks. We have an urgent care appointment this afternoon, and we're hoping that will result in an answer to the infection, and some antibiotics to deal with it.

[trobadora]

Sending you so many hugs!

[kaffy_r]

Thanks so much - they are definitely appreciated!

[muccamukk]

Oh no! That's really worrying about Bob. I'll keep him in my prayers. I hope you can hang in there through the holidays. 💖

[kaffy_r]

Thanks; prayers are always appreciated. He's feeling better today, but he has a 5 p.m. appointment at Urgent Care to talk about the potential infection. We'll see how things go. When it comes to the holidays, I'm doing my best. And thanks again!

[elisi]

Say it with me, folks: the doctors shrugged their shoulders, and said "hellifweknow." It doesn't matter whether it's mental confusion, shortness of breath, what have you. They can't find anything. They can't find a single damn thing. Yay, medical science.
Damn, that sucks. :( I hope someone has a flash of inspiration.

Sending many hugs. And keep counting the wins. You are doing very well, for facing such big upheaval.

[kaffy_r]

Thanks for each and every hug - and I will keep counting every win I can.

At Bob's urgent care appointment, they told him that it looks as if everything he'd been deealing with was probably because of ... wait for it ... a really bad cold.

After I rolled my eyes a bit, I decided that it's a win.

[pameladean]

Oooof, shortness of breath is so ANXIETY-PRODUCING, in both the subject and the observer, even if both know that actual oxygen is getting distributed. I hope they figure it out. This is so much the last thing either of you needs.

P.

[kaffy_r]

He's doing much better as of the end of Monday, so things are a lot happieer than they seemed last night and, as I've mentioned to somee other folks, I'm taking that as a win. So's he!