Grasping at Grace (and Growth)

Nibbled to Death by Ducks

Little tiny things that nonetheless bother one. Or at least they bother me. 

I decided to post two or three of my poems over at originalkaffy_r  because it's the last day of National Poetry Month. I've put up two, thus far. That's not the duck nibbling part. It's just that I tried to set up the coding to make all the entries show up in my preferred dark blue, using the coding advice that the delightful muccamukk gave me back in January, and it's not working. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something. But I haven't yet figured it out. 

So I'm just listening to the couch's music chill flow over on twitch, and it's making me feel like a human being again. 


ETA: I fixed it!

Music Meme, Day 29

A song that you downloaded: 

That would be damn near every bit of music that I've lately enjoyed, which amuses me.

I mean, I still have a large number of CDs out in the living room, music that I used to play all the time. And of course, prior to CDs, I used to play LPs all the time. Musical evolution, or at least musical tech evolution. I'm still not a Spotify type of person, which appears to be the way things roll these days. I'm old enough that I want to actually own the music I play. So even though I may own it in a way that the RIAA doesn't approve of, I still own it. 

Downloading: threat or menace? Discuss. 

But I'm still enjoying this meme (good lord, I'm almost done with it. Whatever shall I do with myself once Day 30 is done and dusted?) and I've completed a few downloads from YouTube lately, so I can at least show you one or more of my most recent musical acquisitions. 

Let's try this one. "NASA" by Ateez came out not all that far before Artemis II took off. As a NASA fan, I loved the performance video, and once Artemis II blasted off, I kept going back to the video and grinning.  It doesn't hurt that Seonghwa, the group member who is the main singer in the MV is my bias wrecker. (That's simply saying that he's my second favorite in the group. He's really sweet and unsure of himself, unless he's got his makeup on and he's onstage ... but you didn't need to know that, did you?)

Without further ado, here's Ateez, doing "NASA"







And here's my previous meme day, which has links to all my answers. Because of course you'd be interested in those. 

Music Meme, Day 28 

A song that you used to hate but love today

I think the very first song that blasted into my mind when I read this came from Led Zeppelin. When I was a teenager, and for years thereafter, I disliked the band. In large part that was because I didn't like Robert Plant's voice. I thought it was whiny. 

In the decades since. I learned to really enjoy Plant's voice. His solo work stuck with me first and I thought, "Well, I may not like how he sang in Led Zep, but I do like his voice now." 

And then something odd happened; I started looking back at Led Zeppelin's earliest stuff and listening to it, and I realized that Plant wasn't whining. He was wailing. And that wail worked beautifully for the work the band was presenting at the time. 

And once I got over disliking Plant's voice during his Led Zeppelin days, I was free to appreciate the other members of the band. Jimmy Page was obviously in a class by himself when it came to the guitar; John Bonham may have played ever so slightly behind the beat, making his drums sound like brontosaurus lumberings, but it worked. And John Paul Jones knew how to work with Bonham. 

Today I can honestly say that the first song I ever disliked performed by Led Zeppelin is now a song I think truly rocks. As in, when I hear it, my head starts to bang. Not healthy, perhaps, but understandable, I think at least some of you might agree. 

Here it is. 





I hasten to add that Chicago bluesman Willie Dixon successfully sued the band over its use of his song, "You Need Love" in their hit. The suit was settled out of court and Dixon's name was subsequently listed as a co-writer of the Led Zeppelin song. Here's his original:

Music Meme, Day 26

A song that helps you fall asleep at night:

I've been away from my journal, and the music meme for a while, and part of that was because I was initially stymied by this. I don't use music to help me go to sleep, although there are times I think about how nice it would be to fall asleep to the sounds of one of my favorite ambient stations. I can't do that, not without keeping Bob awake, or wearing my earbuds until they're completely drained. 

But back when Andy was quite young, Bob had a job as a doorman down in one of the ritzier condominium buildings in Chicago's Near North neighborhood; not quite the Gold Coast, but as close as makes no difference. He had a night shift, which meant that I went to sleep alone, which was lonely. After I got Andy to bed, and once I was tired, I would put the Discman that Bob got for me, and I'd put the second CD of Kitaro's* two CD album "Silk Road" on. I'd put the headphones on, and I would listen to the album until my eyes were just about ready to close. I would reluctantly take off the headphones, and fall asleep. 


I particularly liked two of the pieces: "Eternal Spring" and "Silver Moon." I'm sharing both of them with you now. 



Before I forget, here's a link that will help you catch up with my earlier meme posts, should you be interested.



*I discovered Kitaro through an NPR radio show that our local public radio station played either really late at night, or far too early in the morning. At the time, Bob and I were both young and arrogant about the music we liked, and we made fun of a lot of the ambient pieces this show played, but when the host played some pieces from the Silk Road album, I really liked it, and Bob got me the CDs for Christmas or my birthday. He also later got me some more of Kitaro's work. I haven't listened to Kitaro in a while, but in hunting these pieces down I think I may have rekindled my interest in him. 

... But Not Precisely Lively, Either

It's been too long since I last posted, or checked in with other folks' journals. My energy levels have been up and down like a yoyo, and even the ups aren't where I'd like them to be. It means that there are some days when I'm happy at having completed one or two things, and there are other days when I can't even get those one or two things done. 

I've been active on Discord, but I don't want to hang there all the time, or certainly not hang there to the detriment of some of my other spaces. I'm trying to find and keep friends and friendly acquaintances in different places. You'd think that that kind of adulting wouldn't be difficult. You would be wrong. 

I've managed to push through a bit on my writing. I've managed (ihopeihopeihope) to have prevented more mouse incursions. I'm thinking of putting some more of my old poetry up on originalkaffy_r , but who knows if I'll actually do it. I've gotten some reading done away from the laptop as well. 

I bought the new BTS album and, once again, can't say why I did that. I'd been listening to the album even before buying it (the first actual music purchase I've made in a long time) thanks to all the songs being on YouTube, and I really like it. But I don't understand ... well, much of what's going on in my head these days. 

I imagine I'll figure it out. 

Persistence and Promise

Bob and I attended the No Kings 3.0 rally closest to us, in Evanston's lakeside Dawes Park. Estimates later put the attendance at 2,000, a respectable number, given the lack of parking that the park offered (previous No Kings rallies were held in downtown Evanston). We left before the march, since our aging backs weren't up for it, but it was good to be there. One of the things that hit hardest for me were an incredibly long line of stakes with pictures of people attached to them, every one of them someone who died at the hands of ICE or CBP, either directly or indirectly. All those faces reminded me of one of the things we're fighting for as we try to remain a representational democracy; an end to murder, at home and abroad. 

( More under here )

Mice. More Mice, Damnit.

The headline says it all. 

I got up at 5:15 a.m. in order to watch the first BTS concert since all seven of the members got out of the military.  Their last concert was four years ago, and they played this free event at Gwanghwamun Square in central Seoul, which is seen as the city's spiritual heart and most prominent gathering space. Thousands of fans watched in person, and millions more watched via Netflix, which is what I did. 

The concert was short, just an hour long; they performed every song on their new album "Arirang" and about four of their earlier most popular songs. They really are a mesmerizing group to watch in full flight, although I was forced to wonder about bad omens; their leader, Kim Nam Joon (stage name RM) badly hurt an ankle during rehearsals, and had to spend much of the concert performing on a stool. 

ARMY didn't mind, and perhaps the joy I saw reflected in the faces of fans watching did, as the young men told those fans, power everything that was happening on stage. With that kind of support, perhaps an injured ankle will be of little import. 

I enjoyed the concert and was about to get up and get my second cup of coffee when I discovered that, having successfully mouse-proofed the south larder closet in our office, the  little monsters fellas had decided that they could come in from the north side larder, closest to our furnace room (which isn't really a room, it's a tiny closet where the furnace is placed, but we call it a room, so there you go).

How do I know? Carter, who's been acting very "I know there are mousies there" for the past day or so, abruptly tried to push his head under the base of one of the northern larders shelving units. As I prepared to look under the shelving unit myself, a tiny grey blur shot out between Carter and me, and disappeared somewhere in the wilds of the office, or perhaps out the office door and into the rest of the house.

At this point, after the initial confrontation, during which I shrieked almost loud and high enough to crack glass, all I could do was shake my head and laugh. Just a tiny laugh, mind you, but what else could I do? Beyond the inevitable cleaning job, I mean.

It's frustrating. Nearly every foodstuff we have in both the north and south larders has been stored in hard plastic bins now, but they will apparently try to feast on anything I hadn't yet gotten into said bins. They also tried to feed on the plastic surrounding some artwork that's in the north larder because there's no room for them elsewhere.

They haven't made too much of a mess, so I can only assume they just discovered the new route over the past couple of days. Cue tremendous sighs, and a wish that I could wave a wand and keep them out for good. I keep a clean place, people, and yet here they are. 

By the end of today, Bob and I had visited one of our favorite hardware stores to get mouse shield foam and yet more steel wool. We've been there so often, at least a few of cashiers can kibbutz with us as they ring us up.

While I was out getting some more plastic storage containers at yet another of our favorite hardware stores, Bob deployed the foam and steel wool all around the furnace, after I'd vacuumed out far too much dust in the cubby. I really do keep a clean house; the problem is that I forget about the furnace cubby. So at least I can thank the mice for reminding me that I need to regularly vacuum around the furnace. 

Positivity, that's the name of the game.

But I'm still looking around for that little grey blur; I just know he or she is lurking somewhere, preparing to scare the living bejesus out of me again. 

Music Meme, Day 22

A song with a long title

It's late, and I'm tired, but I couldn't resist the hunt for a song that had a long title (and Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious doesn't count). My brain is better wired for short titles, although I've more than occasionally indulged in long titles for my stories, so figuring out music that met this requirement took a bit of thought. 

The first one I settled on, REM's "How The West Was Won and Where It Got Us" didn't feel right to me, although I love the album it's on, "New Adventures In HI-Fi" 

Richard Thompson's "1952 Vincent Black Lightning" was nowhere near as long, but I think it fits my particular bill. 



Then again, I feel rather odd this evening - must be the extreme weather outside earlier this evening, so I just wanted to share this. It isn't a song, nor does it have a lengthy title, or at least not as lengthy as other classical symphonies have, but in my tired mind, it fits the bill again. I have no idea why.

Perhaps I can say that, while the title of this isn't long, the piece itself is satisfactorily un-short. I used to love putting this on on Sunday mornings back when I was younger, and listening to it again might be in my future as well.


Earlier entries can be found in yesterday's post. I'd include a link, but either my laptop or Dreamwidth isn't allowing me to do so. 

Diaries

I'm writing this with a cat on my lap. I have to periodically remind Carter that he can't grab for balance at shirt. There are breasts under there, my dude, and your claws are unwelcome. Really. But I can't bring myself to knock him off my lap. That's partly because I love him, and partly because I know it won't do much good; in a minute or two, he'll be back on my lap. I have found myself repeatedly surprised by finding him back on my lap after dumping him - I don't even notice him coming up to my lap until after he's made himself comfortable and me uncomfortable. Cats. Go figure. 

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Dysfunctional Families Close Ranks

Whatever the horrors that Iran's theocracy has visited upon its own people - and they are horrors, as the grieving survivors of at least 7,000 Iranians killed by the regime in the past few months can attest, and the relatives of untold thousands killed in the years since 1979 - people in Iran will put that aside and stand against what we've done to them in the past 36 or so hours. 

Your family may break your bones, bruise your mind, or force you down into heartbreak. You may hate your mother or your brother for what they've done to you. You may dream of revenge.

But when the neighborhood bully comes and strikes them down, injured or dead, then turns to you with a smile and says, "You're welcome," and expects you to go to your knees and thank him for that violence? You may well jump on the bastard's back and close your fingers around his neck, or hook them into his eyes, because they were your weight to bear, your sorrow to work through. 

Didn't we learn this when we "freed" Iraq? 

Apparently not. 

Job One: Remember that Computers Are Stupid

Job Two: bake Bob's favorite cookies to thank him for setting up my new laptop, and putting up with the occasional stupidity that's part of dealing with ones and zeroes.

We both knew it would take a couple of days, or even more than that, and I'm trying to be patient as he preps the new one (an Asus Vivo) so that we can download all my files from my slowly dying Lenovo, files that have been downloaded onto a delightful little red portable 2T hard drive.

That drive may will come in handy after the transfer, since I might need to keep it connected to my new laptop for a few weeks, or maybe months. My Lenovo has 1.82 T of storage, whilst my Asus only has 1T. We'll eventually see about getting a new, larger, drive in the Asus, but I don't foresee me using up the 1T of storage the Asus has. 

I've named the little hard drive Ada, and my new laptop is officially Alice-Alyx. It's the first time I've named a laptop, but it seemed the right thing to do with this one. I'm laughing a bit at myself, but hell, why not name some things that will help keep me happy for a good long time?

Now one of the remaining questions is whether Alice-Alyx will recognize my Samsung Galaxy ear buds. We tried to get them paired up yesterday, and the Asus laughed at us. Once again, I'm reminded that computers are stupid; they only do what we tell their ones and zeroes to do. 

In the non-computer part of the weekend, I was able to get in touch with a skiffy fannish acquaintance whose holiday card came back to me a bit ago. It turns out that he and his partner had indeed moved from the address I had for him, so I can send him something soon, and most definitely this coming holiday season. 

I also cleaned the bathroom, and sorted a small mountain of paperwork that had grown so high it was in danger of toppling over. I'm terrible at organizing and sorting, but I managed to do it today. I'm inordinately proud of myself. (I probably shouldn't be quite so loudly proud, because the universe will undoubtedly send something my way to punish me for such hubris. Heh.)

So that's my excitement for the weekend, and I am very happy that that's the most excitement I've had to deal with. Compared to this time last week, it's easy-peasy. 

He Woke Up

I awoke at about 6:15 a.m. to feed the cat, and after a night of night sweats (further, deponent saith naught because, eeuww, TMI) and dread about which Bob would greet me when he woke, I couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and tried to catch up on far too many emails. "Catch up on" quickly devolved into pitching most of the 650+ emails into the aether, 

Then I thought about updating Bob's doctors on the newest situation - him being home. I finally did that, but not before fearing that Bob wouldn't easily wake, or maybe he'd regress to not waking up at all, when I brought him coffee. 

He woke up. 

And he got up. And got dressed, and talked to me, and joked, and was there. All there. 

Another episode gone? Well, we thought it was gone back in January, and it came back, but I'm choosing to believe in hope this time. And it was a delight to be able to tell people from that damned hospital, and from one of the rehab places I was gearing up to tour that we didn't seem to have a need for them. I will also cancel the tour of another rehab place that I'd set up for Wednesday. 

I hope I'm not jinxing everything, but again, I'm choosing to believe in hope this time. 

That doesn't mean our work is done. We have got to figure out what the fuck goes on in BB's body to throw him into confusion, weakness and aphasia, and why it was so bad this time. There has to be a reason, or even more than one reason. So that's on the to-do list. But Sunday is a day of rest, so I will rest, watching Bob at his computer, and urging me to read the political columns he's sending me. It feels like home again.