Dept. of Changes

[kaffy_r]

Going In Reverse Direction

Apparently it wasn't Winston Churchill who said something like "If one is a conservative when one is 21, one has no heart; if one is not a conservative when one is 31, one has no head." I'm almost disappointed, but only because I can no longer say I disagree with Churchill about this. 

Of course there are other sayings about how people grow more conservative as they grow older, and those sayings are probably attributable to almost everyone. So I disagree with almost everyone, at least when it comes to me. (And who else should I speak of? I am a fascinating subject to dwell upon, n'est ce pas?)

I grew up in a household where the politics were distinctly (Canadian) Tory. In fact my grandfather once took me on his knee to explain why (Canadian) Liberals were bad. At the same time, I was exposed to the values of my grandmother and mother, and they were in large part what I used to think of as liberal.

Actually, I no longer know whether that's the right label, since many of the people whose political values I now feel most comfortable with appear to despise the term "liberal" but let's use it because I'm comfortable with it right now.

My grandmother espoused humanist views that were leavened by a sense of class conscious noblesse oblige, but the latter was a function of her being born white and protestant in 1902 and former was a function of her being a wonderful human being. My mother was equally wonderful, and somewhat less burdened with class conscious strictures, although not completely free of them. (I've had to fight that classist attitude in myself my whole life, and I hope I've done it as successfully as I can. Which means, of course, I know I've got a hell of a long way to go, but that's another discussion.) 

My political awakening was when I watched, from afar, news of the 1968 Democratic convention and the later trial of the Chicago Eight/Seven, although even before then, I'd been certain that something was just rottenly wrong with militarism and racism and classism and such. The first Ayn Rand Book I read, Anthem, somewhere around the age of 11, bothered me because I knew I was supposed to think of the lead characters as heroic for abandoning people who cared for community, and I just thought they were selfish and stupid. The first and only time I was able to vote in a political election (yes, only once in my entire life and that yet another discussion), I voted New Democratic Party. I joined a union as soon as I was able to and have been a union maid (or matron, at my point in life) ever since. 

But I always had a bit of my grandfather in me, too; there was a core of me that wanted stability and unchanging verities, and that, to me, has always been inherently conservative. At best, that's the wish to preserve - to conserve - what is good from the past. At its worst? Something that leads to terrible things. 

And partly because of that part of me, I believed in many of the things that unknowingly privileged white kids believe in; that of course police are there to protect you and that the bad ones are the exceptions; that western civilization was inherently good and probably the most civilized civilization, etc. etc. et-unthinking-cetera. 

And now, I find myself not believing any of those things. Or certainly believing them less and less. I'm recognizing my own racism, my own classism, I'm trying to check my privilege, I'm trying to be woke and I think that's the right way to be. 

So much for getting more conservative as one gets older. 

Comments

[heliopausa]

It's a long slog. :)

[kaffy_r]

But a worthwhile one, I think. What about you? Do you find yourself moving in any given direction, or perhaps in multiple directions at once?

[heliopausa]

Worthwhile? Remains to be seen. (Being said with a wry smile, rather than total gloom.) I hope it's worthwhile, both in terms of my own personal making of myself into a better person and in terms of where the world ends up.

Personally, I find myself angrier about pretty well all power structures as I get older, and more cynical. But also less willing to condemn different systems - or people - out of hand - I hate the shifting demonisations which have been all over the media (including entertainment media) all my life.

[kaffy_r]

(Being said with a wry smile, rather than total gloom.)

I think you are kinder than I am, I think, and I wish I could be like that. Like you, I am angrier, but unlike you, I'm willing to condemn various systems. I think I may be among the people who demonize various systems.

[heliopausa]

I don't imagine I'm kinder; I think it's more that life's thrown me a few blows recently, and I'm just horribly aware of the desperate need (mine, everyone's) for compassion.

[kaffy_r]

That's one of the definitions of kindness - you know and acknowledge the need for compassion.

Take care of yourself, my dear.

[lilacsigil]

My parents have got a lot less conservative as they got older and I think the reason is primarily that they have got to meet a wide range of different people over time as Australia became more and more multicultural. (My dad grew up in then-Rhodesia, but they very much mingled only with white people of their own background and he spent a lot of time at boarding school.)

[kaffy_r]

Getting back to people in very late order - it makes me feel good to know that other older people are making the march I appear to be making. Also, I don't know if I've mentioned before how much I like that icon. Where are the rocks?

[lilacsigil]

They're the Twelve Apostles, near where I live! There's only about eight of them now - the one at the front of my icon has fallen down since I made the icon!

[kaffy_r]

Thanks - we have places like that in the Canadian Maritimes, and they're equally evanescent, at least geologically speaking. I know that some of the rock formations I grew up seeing along the Bay of Fundy have since fallen into the sea. It doesn't help when a lot of them are mainly sandstone, which makes them extremely short-lived. Of course, it's the fact that they're sandstone that allows the winds and waves to carve them into such amazing pieces in the first place, so I guess it all balances out.

Here's a picture of Cape Split, off the Bay. I understand that part of it has collapsed since this picture was taken.

[ljgeoff]

I'm right there with you. This is an interesting essay.

[kaffy_r]

It is an interesting essay, but for reasons that make me sad. She's learning, she's trying to understand, but when she says that It’s about seeing people as just that, people. Not as their skin color she's just lost me, because in this country, you can't "just see people" - this country was built on values to which different skin colors were crucial, and it grew on those values, and it continues to this day to do so. Not to mention that people are the sum of their experiences, and skin color is part of that. You can no more "see the person, not the color" than you can "see the person, not the face," or - really - "see the person, not the person."

And people teach their kids to fear the police because the police have given them reason to fear. I say that as the sister of a police officer. It doesn't matter how much you teach your kid to respect authority. If authority doesn't respect you, you're still shit out of a luck if the authority you run across happens to be in a pissy mood.

that quote

[bibliofile]

I heard it as 40 or 41, from my (US-conservative) boss, who was quoting PJ O'Rourke -- who stole it from Voltaire. So there.

Doing the best we can, that's all we can really do. Where you start and what you call it are two other conversations.

Re: that quote

[kaffy_r]

Ah, but humans are creatures bound and determined to label things.

[thisbluespirit]

It sounds rather unlike Churchill anyway, considering he actually started out as a Liberal MP! And did get more Conservative as he got older. (Well, that's not true, Churchill was basically mad all his life and everyone in Westminster knew it, but there you go.)

About you, I shall just have to believe what you tell me! I'm sure you're right. ;-)

[kaffy_r]

Ah, but his madness came in very helpful in World War II (or at least it didn't impede his usefulness at that point.) And actually, although it wasn't him, that would make sense for him. He was Liberal to start with and moved right.

Goodness, I'm tempted to say you should never trust me, but I shall refrain. Heh.

[eaweek.livejournal.com]

Great self-reflection. I, too, grew up in a fairly conservative household, but was leaning left by high school and college. Though I was in my mid-twenties before I even heard the term "privilege," and have spent the years since unpacking my own, with varying degrees of success. I suspect it will always be a work in progress.

I don't understand how anyone could call themselves conservative now, when the very term has been highjacked by big money and corporate interests, and more and more stands for nothing but hard-hearted intolerance. The mentality that the poor and unfortunate can just go to hell will always be abhorrent to me.

[kaffy_r]

I suspect it will always be a work in progress.

As it should be; we never stop growing, not until the day we die, and that leaves plenty of time to learn good habits, forget, relearn bad habit, remember and get rid of the bad habits, etc., etc. Humans are learners, but we're also forgetters. And we are sometimes prone to writing sentences that sound like they were written for George W. Bush. Ah, well, I'll do better, later ....

At its best, conservatism was always fraught with the danger of slipping into racism and classism. And that was at its thoughtful best - because reflexively looking to the past for all things good, bears with it the risk of finding the evils of the past perhaps "not as bad as all that." And we are far, far from the best conservatism. I think it's bankrupt, but people will cling to what they cling to.

[apostle-of-eris.livejournal.com]

I like conservatives. They're opposed to all questionable adventures abroad and for fiscal prudence and responsibility. It's right-wing nuts I can't stand.
— Molly Ivins

[kaffy_r]

Oh, I miss Molly Ivins.