DW Fic: Cycles

[kaffy_r]

Title: Cycles
Type: Drabble, 100 words
Author: kaffy_r 
Characters: Twelfth Doctor, Clara Oswald
Summary: He was still relearning to care.
Author's Note: I'm not particularly good with drabbles, because my natural urge is to write long. But it's been long enough since I wrote anything, that I figured I'd try going outside my comfort zone. I wrote this in response to one of the Dr. Who challenge communities. 
Disclaimer: I own no Whoniverse characters, and take no coin. They are the sole property of the BBC and their respective creators.
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“I’m alright. You get some sleep.”

“You’re sure.” 

He knew Clara knew he wouldn’t answer.

They’d lost today. A mission; a life. 

Clara had apologized to the survivors because he was still relearning how to care. Her apologies were accepted, with banked resentment on the part of those they’d saved. 

There were things he hated about regeneration, rejiggerings of his psyche. Losing empathy, even temporarily, angered him.

It’s part of the cycle he whispered to himself. Victories, defeats, things in-between. 

This was why he’d tried to lose empathy, he supposed. He waited for Clara’s return so he could hug her.

-30-

Comments

[promethia_tenk]

*flail*

There were things he hated about regeneration, rejiggerings of his psyche. Losing empathy, even temporarily, angered him.
^^^ this alone was worth the cost of admission. Such a perfect summation of early Twelve.

Beautiful.

[kaffy_r]

Oh my. Thank you for your high praise!

[promethia_tenk]

I'm serious. That might be the most insightful thing I've ever seen on the subject.

[kaffy_r]

I can't adequately say how much I appreciate your comment. I grew to love Twelve, and though I look forward to Thirteen, I miss Capaldi's Doctor fiercely. His Doctor always seemed to be at war with his heart and soul in a completely different way - a rageful alien way - than any of my other dearly beloved Doctors.

[promethia_tenk]

I feel like we've just witnessed a truly special era of Doctor Who. Like years from now if you ask someone who their favorite Doctor is, every once and awhile someone will say Twelve and you will just share a look and understand each other. And, dear god, my heart could barely hold the Eleven era, so much did I love it, but my brain, at least, just about managed. Twelve, though? I'm just broken, in the best possible way. I may never recover.

I miss Capaldi's Doctor fiercely. His Doctor always seemed to be at war with his heart and soul in a completely different way - a rageful alien way - than any of my other dearly beloved Doctors.
Twelve decided he was going to set himself right with himself and then he threw down in his soul from day one and it was brutal and magnificent and I loved him for it. It was like getting to watch Ten put himself through torment and then actually come out the other side, better, for it.

Back after The Doctor Falls aired, Elisi and I were playing around with things and I threw this together. I still feel like it basically says everything:












All I want from Thirteen, really, is for that sense of clarity and centeredness to stay, harnessed to a new will to live.

[kaffy_r]

*knocks*

Is this on?

A year and a half later, I stumble on this and realize what a complete gormless fool I was for not seeing it and telling you how gorgeous and how right this is.

I'm close to loving Thirteen; I'll always love Eleven and Nine ... but Twelve ... and now my heart hurts all over again.

[promethia_tenk]

Hello! Yes!

A year and a half later, I stumble on this and realize what a complete gormless fool I was for not seeing it and telling you how gorgeous and how right this is.
Awww, thank you <3

I'm close to loving Thirteen; I'll always love Eleven and Nine ... but Twelve ... and now my heart hurts all over again.
I know, I know, I know . . . Since this post I've since watched all of classic Who and it's done so much to make me appreciate all the Doctors as a whole. But it's also made me realize all over again exactly how exceptional Twelve was.

Did you ever get to watch my Twelve vid? I had to make it because Twelve, and it's basically 8+ years of analysis of Moff Who condensed into four minutes: Rain King

[kaffy_r]

I just finished watching it. Dammit, woman, you kicked me in the feels with that one!